This is a rehash of a post I did last year right after the Christmas season. Oddly, I am still finding myself sharing the same sentiments so I thought I’d rehash and re-post. Let me know if this resonates.
Before I launch, however I want to thank everyone for encouraging me this year with my Christmas CD, concert, and just the overall love shown to my family and me this season. Those things are not forgotten in the rant I’m about to do about the holidays. Know that this is very “tongue in cheek” and for those of you who made this an incredible year for me I’m sincerely and eternally grateful.
Okay, I’m just going to say it – I am REALLY done with Christmas this year.
I don’t mean to sound like Scrooge’s successor but for a myriad of my own reasons I was done with Christmas before Christmas this year. I suspect I’m not alone.
I had nightmares of being led out of Best Buy in handcuffs and having to decide whether to include my mugshot in my Christmas letter or not.
I was fairly certain that I was going to have a meltdown that would make the glassy-eyed woman in the Target commercials look emotionally well adjusted. (I, for one missed her this year!)
Probably somewhere between pulling off three Christmas Eve services (leading two of them myself) and an additional Christmas concert and Christmas piano project which launched in September as well as trying to pull together what Christmas for my own family would look like, I just decided that I was done with Christmas before it ever got here this year.
Factor in another unanticipated ER visit and hospital stay the week before Christmas for my wife again this year and my toaster was moving toward the scorch setting.
So, in the spirit of the season (and in a feeble attempt at maintaining my sanity and sense of humor) I decided to once again list a few of the ways that, if you’re like me might indicate that you could be getting close to “done” with Christmas this year.
You might be done with Christmas if …
… you procrastinated your shopping hoping that the Mayan calendar was right!
… when choosing a gift for your wife you seriously consider fashion advice from a sales woman in a pantsuit that looks like it came from the Kim Jong iL collection.
… you are tempted to finally send the “honest” Christmas letter this year because you know that everyone has seen your teenager’s Facebook page anyway.
… you realize that you have raised children who expect Santa to show up at the Christmas Eve service.
… you see the elf from Macy’s taking a smoke break outside and you ask him if you can bum one off of him.
… your boss has left candy canes in everyone’s boxes with a note that says, “Thanks for a great year!”, and you realize it is your Christmas bonus.
… when the entire mall starts to look like one big tacky Christmas sweater party to you.
… you find yourself carrying pepper spray, not for the potential muggers in the parking lot, but to protect yourself from the salespeople with the cologne spritzers in the department stores.
… the Carol of the Bells playing overhead in the stores starts to resemble a Mayan war chant in your head!
… walking through the Galleria feels like you’re participating in the Running of the Bulls.
… you have enough fudge and leftovers to last until the Spring thaw provided you don’t eat yourself into hibernation (otherwise known as a diabetic coma).
… you have to resort to installing an electronic invisible fence around your refrigerator to keep from helping yourself to a cheesecake or your third breakfast of the day!
… you have fantasies about ripping off those crazy antlers and reindeer noses from the Escalades that take up two parking spaces at Target!
… when someone gives you a sticker that says, “Jesus Is the Reason for the Season” you decide to blow off shopping and just take Jesus to Starbucks for a Venti Soy Chi.
… you are already making a list of ways you will re-gift the presents your relatives gave you this year.
… you shamelessly ask your guests to help you take down the tree before they leave on Christmas day.
… you entertain the idea of yelling the Santa secret at the children of the lady who took the parking place you circled the parking lot five times trying to get.
So, by next week I’m sure I’ll be back to my old self. I’ll be ready to blog again about the compelling things I’m reading, my perspectives on faith and culture, and maybe even share a few thoughts I have for the New Year.
For now, … well, for now I’m just done with Christmas… Again!